Monday, June 12, 2006

thunder showers, power outages and hope

Ha. Good question Denise. Husbandlessness would probably be going better if I hadn't entered it exhausted. About 3 weeks or 4 (don't know) ago the intenseness began getting Andy ready for his course. He was no longer able to give me breaks (can't remember my last run alone - anything alone - not being 'on duty'). The last day getting him out the door was nutsy. Sarah and I did one of our 3 hour town trips - library, groceries, pharmasave etc. and then helped pack food for him and he was gone. Just before he left he hugged and kissed Sarah goodbye and then hugged me and wandered around a little saying, 'I hope I'm not forgetting anything,' to which I said, 'We forgot to kiss.' Then we fixed that.
So, I've been telling myself I need to pretend I'm wise because I really am not when I'm tired...want time alone doing something enjoyable other than sleep, but that time doesn't really exsist right now, so I steal from sleep time and the cycle continues. Anyway, Sat. eve. people here at camp invited me for a movie which I said yes to because I don't want to say no to people time. Earlier that day Sarah and I visited the 'Spinners and Weavers' group at camp. It was fascinating watching them spin fibre and make thread. I bought a spool knitter and some knitting needles - say it's easier (on the hands, easier in general?) than crocheting, which I've tried. With my tiredness has come impatience toward Sarah which I don't like and I apologize to her and ask Jesus for help. Pounding my bed one evening was a good release too. Got some good ideas re: anger management from "The Disciple Book" by Dr. Sears. Great book. Grabbed a last min. ride into church yesterday. Had been offered a car but I was too tired to think of operating one, but got a call that the Skinners (Carol, director's parents) where going to church, so Sarah and I went. Saw/met Bethany (age 16) who works at Pharmasave. She was up there leading singing at church, with her guitar, with the team...very 'in sync' with the other guitarist too. cool. Home. lunch. Spent an hour or so trying to get so-sleepy-Sarah to sleep - no avail. Went out for a walk...then she slept, snuck her into bed. Another power outage (also had one 2 days ago) for 3 hours. Picnic dinner on main street enjoying a bright rainbow (2 actually) and being protected by the rain under the porch. It's been raining lots since Andy left which is nice for me cause of the garden watering and it seems to go with my mood (or maybe contributes to it) - Andy leaves, the sky cries. The sky seems to be darkening again over my laundry on the line. Erg. Did my physio excerises for the first time in a month...felt good. Excersice (hate spelling the word - how do you spell it?) has been super hard to think about/get motivated to do lately.
Time's up. To bed I go. Yah, I'd appreciate prayers. Missed both of Andy's calls, but he seems to be doing good by what I can tell from the messages.
What you just read was written at 2pm and now it's nine and it's amazing how different I feel now. After taking down the laundry in the rain and having a frustrating nap (did I sleep?) got a call from Beth - friend in Abb. - asking for my address and that helped change perspective - I dunno. Anyway, cleaned the bathroom with Sarah, baked Cara version of Hermits (packed all the baked goods for Andy), and some terrific shaped molasses-brown rice syrup and nut butter cookies for Sarah (and me, I like em too. I was glad to see she liked them too).
Then a short call from Tanya tonight too. Nice.
Things we've been doing/have happened lately I didn't mention:
-our squash plants outside are whilting cause of the tremendous rain
-a large deer walked through our garden (squash the squash eh?)
-I am battling for my flowers out front (they are doing quite actually, even the one the cats dug out completely in order to poop in the hole it left behind). The cats like to use the bed as a litter box. I scoop the poop and have put sticks in between the flowers to keep the cats out. Added more today. I think that should do it...we'll see.
-Battling mosquitos too...
Got a call from Andy this evening. Things going well. Tomorrow they are in groups of 4 (the students) and they lead a guide (acting as a client) on a hike (something like that). After tomorrow the whole thing gets more 'evaluative' Andy said. They went on a guided hike today.

3 Comments:

Blogger Kathy said...

Cara - What a wonderfully long post. My prayers are with you all in this intense time. You pretend to be wise - I like that line. May the Father's strength more than carry you though.

Exercise - I just learned it. I always want to put a Z in it. I think I gave you my spelling genes along with my knees.

I love you and think of you lots,

Mom

10:15 PM  
Blogger Alvin & Denise Engler said...

I totally understand -- when Alvin went away the week before (and quite intensely, days before) were all about getting him ready. Basically needed a new summer businessy wardrobe. But I didn't have to worry about food and snacks at all. That's taking it to the next level. It's no good going into single momhood wiped from the preparations. Praying for endurance for you, and lots of patience. I can relate to the being crabby to the kids thing. It's tough when you're tired and don't get breaks -- and having not had a break in the time leading up to Andy's time away... I wish I was close and could come and take Sarah and let her and Joshie play. Praying for you.

much love
-de

11:17 PM  
Blogger heidi said...

cara, thinking of you lots right now and praying for you always. we'd love to have sarah over for an afternoon so that you can nap! wouldn't that be splendid? we're praying for andy, too that he does well. love you guys

-heidi

2:32 PM  

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